


at the top of my lungs, to the entire world

by africatotos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, a little angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 16:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11406192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/africatotos/pseuds/africatotos
Summary: Four seasons of Iwaizumi trying his best.He turns towards Iwaizumi, chattering on about one thing or another, and Iwaizumi unconsciously reaches up to brush the petals away.I love him, he learns on a day in early April. Words cling to Iwaizumi’s throat and refuse to budge.alternatively, five times iwaizumi hajime almost says i love you and the one time he does





	at the top of my lungs, to the entire world

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I tried my best to fit this into the actual Japanese school schedule (starting in April, break in July, starting back up in fall and ending late December). I haven't really been quite up to date with hq recently and probably need a refresher on the actual characters. 100% ooc, please forgive me, I'm sleep deprived and this is the first time I actually finished a fic and the only reason I'm doing it (probably) is because I'm sleep deprived.
> 
> For Judy. <3  
> (edit: 7/5/17, formatting fix)

Spring. The start of their third year of high school. The beginning of their last year on the same team. Cherry blossoms are blooming along the road, and some petals have fallen into Oikawa’s hair. He turns towards Iwaizumi, chattering on about one thing or another, and Iwaizumi unconsciously reaches up to brush the petals away.

Despite the small amount of gel, his hair is still soft. It reminds him of their early years with an uncountable amount of sleepovers where Hajime fell asleep with a face full of Tooru’s brown hair. For a sliver of time, the world around them is muted. It’s just him, brushing soft pink petals out of even softer brown hair, and Tooru just stands still and stares.

 _I love him,_ he learns on a day in early April. Words cling to Iwaizumi’s throat and refuse to budge.

“Iwa-chan?” And the effect is gone.

“It’s nothing, you just had a couple of petals in your hair,” he explains. Oikawa’s face softens, and Iwaizumi barely misses the flicker of disappointment that flares across his face.

 

* * *

 

Spring warms into summer. School’s out on break and their first term as high schoolers is over. The sun burns high in the sky, and the sidewalks are practically lava. The both of them sit in the shade behind the Iwaizumi residence, and Oikawa is wearing a muscle shirt. The hot air is still and stifling, but Oikawa steps out of the shade anyway. His hair shines in the sun, droplets of sweat dripping down his face, and he turns back towards Iwaizumi. 

That’s when Hajime finally realizes what Oikawa is wearing. The muscle shirt has aliens on it. Iwaizumi is not impressed. Tooru grins anyways and proudly shows off his new shirt, the bright light emphasizes the lean muscle gained from years of volleyball.

“Iwa-chaaaan, you’ve noticed my new shirt! What do you think? The logo even glows in the dark!” Iwaizumi has a myriad of thoughts shoot through his mind, but the first one, the loudest one, and the most alarming one of them all was consisted of nine words: _That’s stupid, but I think I love you anyway._ However, those nine words never left his thoughts and reached Oikawa’s ears, but managed to sear themselves into his brain.

“Shittykawa, I think you’re a nerd who never outgrew his childhood fantasies,” left his mouth instead. He throws a water bottle towards Oikawa’s face at the resulting defensive squawk.

 

* * *

 

Summer slips into fall and the panic over college and university applications and acceptance letters creates an air of tension that no one wants to address. The leaves are shifting from green to red, yellow, and brown and crunch under every step. His urgent new feelings for Oikawa are buried in schoolwork and tournament prep. Oikawa manages to be flocked by even more fangirls and the awkward rushed confessions increase twofold. 

They’re third years, and it’s their second term, and they aren’t going to the same university. Studying for exams and keeping up with schoolwork keeps them busy, but they haven’t talked as much as they usually do and it scares him. Any moment together is special, and if their stuff ends up in each other's rooms more often than not and their individual collections of pens and pencils merge into one various collection of writing utensils exchanged between the two, no one seems to notice.

Or when they skip over the way Hajime’s eyes linger on Tooru a little longer than usual when he has his back turned away, or the way that Tooru does the same thing. Every casual touch silently screams _I love you_ and the words _slowly_ find their way inching out of his throat. _._

Every moment together before graduation is important, and Iwaizumi doesn’t want to lose what he already has.

 

* * *

 

Late fall slides into winter and the end of their second term creeps up even closer, day by day. The team can feel the weight of the year’s end hanging over their heads and Iwaizumi is not an exception to the rule. Graduation is only a few months away, and university starts the month after.

He isn’t ready. Both to outwardly express his increasingly distressing feelings for his best friend and to say goodbye to the school for good. It’s true, he and Tooru’s universities are only a train ride away, but that’s still farther than they’ve ever permanently been. A few minutes’ walk away in a suburban neighborhood compared to the busy streets near a university is difficult to think about.

Snow falls and becomes a layer of white on the sidewalks and lawns, and any footprints erased by even more snow. Hajime finds himself staring more than ever. Puffs of vapor from Oikawa’s warm breaths manage to enrapture his thoughts. Normal things, things that happen all the time, things that are downright _mundane_ still manage to captivate his waking moments.

He begins to drift apart from Oikawa, but he notices. Of course he does, they’ve been friends for years. Years of Oikawa’s continued attempts to convince Hajime of the existence of aliens (They’re right above our heads, Iwa-chan!) and his slightly obnoxious obsession for milk bread (Take a bite!!). Years of watching his best friend overwork himself by serving until the sun goes down and staying up to analyze games of the opposing team just so support theirs. Late night texts involving way too many emojis and mornings where Iwaizumi could see visible bags under his eyes.

 _I love you_ , is caught in his throat even more now than ever. The breath required to push it out finds itself stuck in his lungs. _I love you,_ he wants to whisper, to tell, to scream, to yell to the entire world that he’s fallen for Oikawa Tooru and can’t manage to swim his way out.

He’s fallen for his brown eyes, his soft hair, and the tired _genuine_ smile after countless hours studying and talking and quizzing one another and just _being together._ Iwaizumi Hajime has fallen hard for his best friend, and he can’t get it out of his own head.

He can see the trepidation lingering in his eyes and behind the fake smiles when someone brings up life after graduation up in any form. Hajime is acutely aware of the smooth transition into a different topic.  Every new day is a reminder that they’ll be going to different universities in less than half a year.  Every touch is an alert to the fact that he won’t be able to be with Tooru in an instant; it’s an alert that they won’t have late night binges of crappy movies pirated on a whim.

When Iwaizumi steps out of his house and immediately sees Oikawa on the sidewalk waiting for him, he knows that it’s too late to do anything. Their last year together as classmates ends in less than a month. Neither comment on the lingering silence between them on the walk to school. The chilly air stings his cheeks and dries out his eyes. _Why him? Why now?_

_I love him._

 

* * *

 

It’s March, and they’re actually graduating. The warmth of the sun has melted most of the ice and snow, but the somber mood of the graduating class is still there. The ceremony feels like a blur of students’ names and sniffling of his fellow (former) classmates. 

He sits through the speeches only reminding him of what's to come and how bright their futures are and waits for his name to he called to walk across the stage. When he does walk in front of his entire class and their guests, he looks out and notices five things: 1) his parents are looking directly at him with misty eyes 2) Oikawa’s family are sitting right next to them 3) most of the underclassmen from the team are there supporting them (and more than one of them may have been brought to tears by the ceremony) 4) Tooru himself. 5) The way Oikawa's eyes bore into him with eyes dampened by unshed tears. From where he is, Iwaizumi isn’t certain whether it's from happiness of seeing his friends move on to greater things or sadness from the same thing.

Hajime takes in another breath as he strides across the stage, shake hands with the principle, and smiles for the camera as the diploma is finally handed to him. He returns to his seat with a newfound sense of hope for the future. A couple dozen names later, Tooru is called to walk across the stage, and Hajime can see the way Tooru’s eyes also scan the audience and meet Hajime’s. His heart is practically pounding out of his chest.

During the party afterwards, where solidified plans for the future are shared to friends and classmates, the reality of the situation hits harder than ever. He stands next to Oikawa in the last photo of the team’s third years together under the same campus. This is it. This is the last time they’ll be together as classmates.

The inevitable happens. “Oikawa-san,” a girl’s voice calls out behind them. Oikawa turns towards around to face her. Iwaizumi awkwardly shifts so that he’s behind the girl. Although he knows what’s coming up next, he still doesn’t want to be the person interrupting her. A flicker of recognition is shown in Oikawa’s eyes.

“Makoto?” he tilts his head questioningly. The girl, Makoto, takes in another breath.

“Oikawa-san. . . are you going to give your second button to anyone?” she finally asks.

Iwaizumi’s heart speeds up and he’s close to walking away completely until Oikawa’s eyes latch onto his. The lingering _I love you_ from nearly a year ago pounds like a drum through his veins. Tooru takes this as a silent confirmation for his next decision, their eyes still locked together. The pace of his heart quickens to synchronize with Hajime’s. Finally, he looks down back at Makoto, smiling apologetically.

“No.”

 

* * *

+1

 

 _I love you_ , he thinks at the first glance of Tooru’s resting face while his head uses Hajime as a pillow. _I love you,_ his heart screams as his hand moves to carefully take the glasses off of his best friend’s face. _I love you_ , his eyes say, softening as he moves Tooru to a more comfortable place on the bed. 

“I love you,” he whispers into the open air, with only the cheesy sci-fi film on Oikawa’s laptop and the sleeping body by his side to listen. He shuts the laptop cover and slips back onto the mattress beside his childhood friend.

 _I love you,_ his mind supplies as the last thought before succumbing to sleep, unaware of the other set of eyes gazing at the glow-in-the-dark galaxy stickers that litter the ceiling. Those three words tremble like a rubber lifeboat during a tsunami in Oikawa’s brain. A brittle voice breaks the silence for the last time that night.

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> scientific studies have shown that looking into the eyes of a loved one can cause the heart rates to synchronize with each other, but the beats themselves won't match 1:1. any feedback would be wonderful!! (please. i long for attention.)
> 
> you can find me on tumblr as africatotos, i'd be glad to talk.


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